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May 15, 2012

The Friend Zone Dilemma: Women Bashing and Reality Checks

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Written by: E. Ortiz
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Friendzone Fiona is a well-known meme that started in 2011 that poked fun at a situation that most of the socially awkward have experienced at one time in their young lives: the dilemma of being in love with someone who only sees you as a friend, or worse, like a brother. Know Your Meme describes the mechanics of this joke as “where the top refers to something a girl would say romantically followed by the bottom text confirming that she is just a friend.”

The joke was quite popular on sites like Memebase and Quickmeme. Months have now passed and although the meme’s popularity has died down, the issue of “the friend zone” has evolved and taken a strange turn. There seems to be more and more pseudo-memes popping up that changed the mood from comedy to guilt, rage and finger pointing at women. Here is an example of one…

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here is another…

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and another…

It seems like what started as a joke has suddenly become an avenue for some nerdy men to express not just their resentment of being friend zoned but passive aggressively casting all the blame on the women they were rejected by. Now, for all the men that have made or shared these memes and agreed with them, you must understand that 1) Ridiculing will not make her like you more and 2) You look like a douche. I don’t say that to bash, I say it as plain truth. People will see the meme you posted on Facebook and laugh at you more.

Now some of you feel hurt by what I said at the last paragraph. Fear not!  As someone who has seen many people trapped in the friend zone and personally experienced some crazy scenarios, let me share with you some nuggets of wisdom.

1) You Are No Knight In Shining Armor!

Admit to yourself  that you are a flawed, normal human being. If you really think of yourself as this “shining knight,” you might as well admit that the Twilight books are the perfect guides for romance. If you try to live up to this ideal, that you are above other men, or in this case, the a***oles your “princess” is dating, it will only lead to depression and low self-esteem. You are not Sir Galahad and women are more than two-dimensional fictional princesses. You are a unique, awesome, imperfect human being. There will be times when you are a gentleman and other times when you act like a total a***ole. And if you are politician you can be both at the same time.

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2) Don’t Be A Jerk Clone.

Some individuals think that the secret of not being in the friend zone is to act like a jerk. They get this conclusion from seeing “good girls dating bad boys.” It’s not being a jerk but security that is the pheromone of attraction. Nothing turns people off more than an insecure individual. Learn to love yourself and be secure, and if it is too difficult of a challenge then there is no shame in seeing a counselor or therapist. I would recommend working out and similar projects to boost your self-esteem (and it does help) but I’ve seen butt-ugly guys get hot girls just by being secure and having high self-esteem.

3) First Impression Are Everything!

Women know within in the first ten minutes of meeting you which zone you’ll be in. If you meet someone and think they are attractive, talk to them. If the flow of communication is excellent, flirt a little bit or give a compliment and invite her to your favorite coffee shop. By the way, never take her to a movie on a first date where it will turn into two hours of sitting awkwardly. Take her to a place where  you’ll be able hang out and talk.

4) Trapped In The Friend Zone.

For those that are trapped in the friend zone, I can only offer two solutions. One, stop being friends and prove to yourself and to her that you were never really friends in the first place.  Or continue to be her friend. If you have the self-esteem and the confidence that comes with it, you will eventually find someone, and nine times out of ten, someone better.

5) Conclusion or TL:DR

I can understand the hardship and heartbreak a nerd can go through when someone you care for and cares for you back doesn’t see you as boyfriend material. But blaming the woman will not help you. You may not be attractive in her eyes and you have to accept that. It’s not her fault if you aren’t her type. But there are many others out there that will think the opposite.

This is a great age for geeks and nerds. One of our writers wrote an article about how online dating makes finding the right person so much easier for the socially awkward. There are even geek-themed speed dating events happening at large conventions. Just be sure before you find someone who is happy to be with you, that you are happy with yourself first.

What do you think? Is there any advice you would be willing to add to this issue?



About the Author

E. Ortiz
E. Ortiz has been working as a freelance journalist, videographer and editor for almost ten years for many different organizations: from MoCCA to FUSE Music Television. Nowadays Mr. Ortiz is the brains behind Nerd Caliber and sometimes you can see him leading his team at conventions.




 
 

 
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  • Sophung

    Call me a coward, butthurt or escapist if you want, but what I say is true:
    The best prevention for Friendzone (and many, many other problems) is to never ever get emotionally attached to someone.

    Even if one manages to not to get Friendzoned and scores the desired person, love never lasts, and sooner or later someone will get hurt.

    Cultivate your own garden instead of expecting someone to bring you flowers.