‘DBZ: Battle of Gods’ More Like Stories of Morons
After growing up in a household with a big Dragon Ball Z fan (my older brother) and being the butt of his many random Kamehameha attacks I felt compelled to watch the new Dragon Ball Z film, Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods. And because the Dragon Ball series played a roll, or shall I say, time slot, in my afternoon television lineup in the ’90s, why not visit my past?
While the series in general follows the plot of its many characters searching for the seven dragon balls, the sixteen movies that have come out over the years feature said characters battling great evils and making sure planet Earth doesn’t get blown up in the process — so you would think that the series creator, Akira Toriyama, would at least give us a more compelling plot for the seventeenth film right? Wrong. Even though I was happy to see the humor and vivid colors of animation from Dragon Ball Z once again, I’m convinced Toriyama woke up one day and decided to make yet another testosterone fueled animation just for the sake of doing so but this one so happens to have no development whatsoever. Warning. Spoilers ahead.
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The film takes place several years after the defeat of Kid Buu and the cast has all come together on Earth for Bulma’s birthday party (Spoiler: Bulma looks pretty damn good for 38). But before we see glimpses of this extravagant party that resembles a Kardashian shin-dig complete with unnecessary amounts of money spent, we see our protagonist, Lord Beerus.
Beerus looks somewhat like an Egyptian Sphynx Cat. He’s decked out in Egyptian clothing and jewelry and overall looks like a walking cliché. His attendant, Whis, is also rocking the Egyptian threads and brings a snooty, yet comical approach to the screen. Lord Beerus has awakened after thirty-nine years and is told by the Oracle Fish that he will battle a supposed “Super Saiyan God.” This compels Beerus as he is nicknamed “Beerus the Destroyer,” and intends to do just that to anything he sees fit. So after learning that the Saiyan, Goku, has defeated Frieza, Beerus and Whis set off to find him where he is currently training on Kais’ planet. After a brief and pointless battle where Goku goes Super Saiyan Three and Beerus barely flinches before Goku is down, Beerus heads to Earth where he prominently crashes Bulma’s birthday party.
Which brings us to one of the main themes of the Dragon Ball manga, animes, and movies: Some big, strong, bad dude wants to fight the big, strong, good dude and if he wins he’s going to destroy planet Earth and everyone on it. Typical.
Oh, and did I mention that the dragon balls play a minor role? Yes, as one of the prizes Bulma gives out for winning bingo — what was I watching? Anyway, at some point Lord Beerus gets pissed and decides now is the time to destroy Earth. At what point does that happen, you may wonder? Big spoiler here — the moment that Buu’s fat ass denies Beerus some pudding … PUDDING! The stuff that’s sticky and creamy and comes in flavors like vanilla and chocolate. I was pretty taken aback when this was decided of all other instances to become the moment he went off. And then it clicked that this MUST be a movie more so meant for comedic purposes rather than an actual plot — silly me.
The biggest moment that made me ultimately decide that I wanted my hour and twenty-five minutes back was when Goku appears and he and Beerus have their “big battle.” Cue epic fight music, which I was surprised wasn’t in Japanese, and start the multiple sequences of dodging fists because they’re just that dang fast. In this battle we see and hear Beerus basically mentoring Goku as their fighting — um, hello? Why don’t you just kick his butt and get it over with? Why are we monologuing and giving encouraging pick-me-ups?
And the most appalling part of the entire film had to be when they decide that the fight is over! Just over. No winner, no one’s clothes are half shredded, no nothing. Goku decided that Beerus is too strong and says he gives up and by some stroke of luck Beerus decides not to destroy Earth — and then they proceed to compliment one another’s fighting ethic. They head back to the party and Beerus says his goodbyes and I sit at my computer wondering if I just watched one of the most epic fighting animes of all time or one of the shorts you see before a Disney film.
Overall if you’re looking for humor and epic fights that DBZ is infamous for, this movie delivers. Looking for a plot and something that makes sense? Don’t waste your time.
