Online Dating for Male Nerds

If I had to pick the topic male nerds think about all the time but never talk about, it would have to be girls. As the large tentacles of the Internet tightens its grip on our lifestyle and bites off our heads to feed its cyber belly, we connect more and more to each other inside this cyber stomach. The online dating world grows and evolves from us feeding the Internet Kraken, whom I call Krakernet. I want to focus on this world of online dating but a few things to clarify. In no way do I mean to say never try online dating. Two of the best relationships I had were from girls I met online and we are still in touch to this day. Many moons ago, I was a young lad on a journey through the World Wide Web looking for true love. What I experienced over the course of that journey was that there were two worlds; the male version I experienced, and the female one which I never considered was different, though it was. Much has changed over the past decade, and we live in a wonderful age where we can connect to anyone. But there are problems and solutions with sites specific to online dating. This is only meant as an opinion of experience, which can help guide and bring awareness to you while in the belly of Krakernet.

Allow me to be an outsider for a moment. I’m going to point out a few flaws to be aware of that have taken me a long time to realize. First, we all must understand for the most part men and women have two different experiences when it comes to online dating. From getting perspective and surveying both sexes, it has occurred to me that women have so many options of fish in the sea that they want to find that perfect catch. Men on the other hand just want a friggin’ damn fish. I’m an open person, and the dates I went on in the past from meeting someone online, I openly asked how many emails they would get on the site. About a dozen to a hundred a week seemed to be the average, a man is lucky if he gets one a week. With this in mind, the connections I made that actually turned into something began by writing a sincere email without too many questions and not focusing on me, but her. It’s a gamble, often times the emails never get read, never take it personal it’s just how it goes, like a high risk investment; low chance of succeeding, but when you do the reward is tremendous. It would take up far too much time and pages if I went on about tactics and how to be you when talking with someone of the opposite sex. I will however give a shameless plug and shout-out to a podcast that changed my life (no they are not paying me to say this); www.pickuppodcast.com listen to the first 2 episodes, then go to the one about online dating, I highly recommend it and it is not what you think; it’s about being a better person and not a douche-bag.

Do you know of anyone who had everything going for them in life, and said; “ya know what? I’m going to try and find someone to date online.” I’m sure there are some, but I have never met any personally. Most often people make a profile out of a reaction to something emotional or situational. Reflecting back on things, I noticed I only signed up for dating sites when I was in a rut or living far away from everyone, most often in reaction to a disappointment with another girl. This is mutual to both men and women. Ever see those profiles where a girl has about 5 pictures of herself all in different poses yet in front of the same bathroom mirror? Yeah, she just broke up with her boyfriend, or maybe she lives in a bathroom. Ask yourself this (no, not if you should live in the bathroom.. ): are you making a profile out of reaction to something that just recently happened? It always helps to wait a day or two. Take your time and clear your head.

The business of online dating is something that fascinates me. The topic occurred to me within the recent year or two because I have a fond interest in marketing and entrepreneurship. To me, it isn’t the dating that is the business model; it is wanting to date someone that is. Seth Godin is a marketing genius, and he has a great quote; “too many choices is a bad thing.” There are so many online dating sites, they may have different themes but each one is exactly the same system and concept; thousands of profiles that are thousands of choices. The problem with all these choices is that they are all ranked and compared by simple questionnaires and profile information. Pictures, age, height, ethnicity, religion, distance, job, likes, dislikes, has kids, doesn’t have kids, divorced, never married, likes video games, likes comics, hates cats, likes cats, and so many other questions to create the market of “matching”. So one little question that isn’t aligned with yours now creates the mindset of; “this person is amazing but let me see if I can find someone better.” Now the dating site has you browsing and spending time on the site, which generates them income. I remembered leaving a dating site for about a year and when I came back there were the same girls still on it, searching, just like me.

Now that I’ve depressed you and made you delete your dating profile (I hope not, please don’t delete it.) let me be the “Tums” inside this burning stomach  of the Krakernet. Treat your online profile as an additional option to meet people, not the only option to meet people. The solutions that only geeks and nerds can provide are in plain sight yet no entrepreneur has combined the two! What am I talking about? Example, I know of two couples that are happily married and have perhaps the most intense, outgoing, and passionate relationships I have seen. Where did these two couples meet? World of Warcraft. I know of other couples who have met from that ancient site known as Myspace, and more recent ones from Facebook. What sites specific to online dating seem to always miss is that they aren’t structured around the way people naturally meet and are attracted to one another, which can be as simple as how someone reacts if they step in a puddle or if they don’t smell like meat and cheese. Some of the closest friends I have met were from Dark Age of Camelot. You can tell a lot from someone if they steal your loot or try to screw up a dragon raid. That is how real life works too, if everyone at a party wore a printout of their “online profile” on them we would find the one thing we didn’t agree with and that would linger in our minds. Except at this one party, a douche bag named Kevin stole everyone’s jackets and hats. I made it clear that he stole everyone’s loot after we killed a dragon one time online and that this was expected of him.

The dream: Make an online dating site that is like the Sims but made for dating. Unfortunately to prevent a bunch of dudes from flooding the site it may have to work the way clubs work; guys have to pay, girls get in for free (though it would need a very good confirmation procedure on what sex someone was, perhaps link it to a Facebook, Twitter, or Google+ account?) I haven’t thought that far ahead, I need you guys to help me on that. The point is if I had the resources I would develop an online dating site that was like a game and very nerdy in theme to replicate the way we interact in real life: by gut feeling and how we treat, behave, and talk to others around us, not a checklist of comparison interview questions. I can make a few 3D models, anyone want to help code? We will definitely make the main boss be none other than the Krakernet.