Pity, No Potty: An op-ed look at trans issues, conventions, and bathrooms.

Most people know me to be a comedian. A loveable fool who many have come to rely upon and (maybe) some have come to respect. I don’t know but I know you allow me into your company because you know that I am in every sense of the word a fun person. And this is why I tend to love coming to Steampunk, Anime, Comic, and General Sci-fi conventions. Though there are always some exceptions we all know and accept each other as we are.   I am a transgender woman, a comedian, and I am damn proud of it.

As a comedian it should be no surprise that I am going to talk about poop! I’ve learned from the literary teachings of my youth that everybody does it. But what they don’t tell you is that when you don’t fit into the gender norms of society and you need to use a public restroom you have to make a choice. Do you risk going into a space that labels you as a target, that points you out as an “other,” and makes all the children say “Da-uhmn I knew it,” so they can laugh in your face when you exit that men’s room, or do you choose to, in many states, break the law and use the facilities that most accurately reflects the person you are?

For most people where to use the bathroom is not an internal, existential, Clash of the Titans. But for someone like me being allowed to enact the most basic of human functions can be one of the most taxing decisions I make in a day, a week, or a month. In real life if I use a public restroom I have someone I’m with scope out the restrooms to make sure they are simply a room with a door that locks. If they are full-fledged restrooms I scope out the area, try to act nonchalant and, like a ninja, blend into the crowd and sneak into the restroom so no one sees me. I don’t talk in a lady’s restroom, I don’t linger, I don’t do my makeup, I keep my head down, I wash my hands, and I get the hell out of dodge. All so I can POOP!
But this isn’t real life… No no… This is Steampunk! This is the world of the Anime and Comic Convention! This is cosplay! Right?! In this world that we’ve created I can use whatever bathroom I god damned feel like right?! It’s too bad these wacky steampunk and cosplay laws we create don’t transfer into the laws of real life… because in reality every time I use the facilities I am breaking the law. Because my driver’s license does not say Lucretia Dearfour. And under sex it most certainly does not say F.

By now you’re probably thinking “Lucretia, I’m sorry using the potty is such a conundrum but what can we do about that?” Well I hear you the answer is simple. Contact your conventions, the convention halls they take place in, the hotels themselves, and make sure they endorse and are able to provide ONE gender neutral bathroom. By allowing 6-12 gendered bathroom and one neutral non-gender-specific facility people like me can rest assured because I will know the convention itself supports me, supports my basic function as a person, and if people are repulsed by the thought of sharing bathrooms with the other sex, or if they fear sexual assault (which is a valid fear) they can always use one of the 6-12-60 clearly labeled facilities. I, and those like me, do not have such liberties.