Why I’m Breaking Up With Batman

Dear Batman,

I want to thank you. Thank you for all of the different versions of Batman out there, from the comic to the cartoons to the films. Thank you for being the only non-superpowered hero that comic geeks can bring up as an equal to the Supermans and Wolverines of the world.

But it’s time we were honest, Bruce. And as Gwyneth Paltrow recently said, it’s time that you and I uncoupled.

It was such an epic start on your flagship comic. The New 52 — a bold launch of a new era. Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo, on story and art respectively, crushed it with “Court of the Owls.” Same with “Night of the Owls,” but I saw problems — the ending not paying off any of the massive, lengthy build-up or annoying crossover to the other Bat titles. Then “Death of the Family” stumbled with an even bigger crossover.

Suddenly your $4 cover price seemed steep.

Then you came out with an endless supply of vapid comics about your villains. Joker, who famously has no origin, suddenly had one. And a 3-D cover. My jaw dropped when your comic came back with a $7 price tag for an issue which, let’s be honest, was bloated and rushed.

Your normal $4 cover price seemed unbearable. I started seeing all of those other issues from Image and Valiant that cost less and wondering what they were up to. I started taking them home.

Now you’re doing “Zero Year,” huh? Eleven issues to retell your origin story again? No. Still charging $4 an issue when the art and story have clearly slipped more than a few notches? No. You were building to something. You had such promise. Now you’re a graying gent at the bar talking about the Good Old Days when your parents’ bodies were still cooling in Crime Alley.

And I won’t pretend that there’s no fault here. You took me for granted. You acted as if there was no one else under the sun. You were wrong.

But don’t worry — we can always get together at the movies to make fun of Batfleck.

Shawn